Divorce is increasing in today’s busy world and the worst sufferers of this divorce are children. Psychological studies reveal that the effects of divorce remain in children for many years and it creates serious impacts on their growth and future. Emotional effect of divorce vary with many factors such as time period of parental conflicts, intimacy between child and the parents before divorce, and parents ability to take care of all the needs of the children after divorce. It is also found that the children from the divorced families are easily attacked with speech problems, asthma, physical injuries, and most importantly with psychological problems.

Image via Wikipedia

The emotional effect varies with different age groups of children. Infants never show any differences in their behaviors. Children below 5 years often cry, have nightmares, and even suffer from anxiety problems. Children between 6 to 9 years always complain that they are suffering from some kind of physical illness such as headache and stomach ache. One of the most common problems among children is the low self-esteem.

Teenagers have different problems and show their anger in different ways. Due to divorce, most of the teenagers suffer from drug abuse, lonely feeling, self-destructive behavior, depression, always blaming themselves, vandalism, anxiety, suicidal thoughts,  feeling sad, losing interest in studies or any social activities, avoiding group interactions, always feeling insecure, immaturity or hyper-maturity, violent behavior, and anger. Children will be able to overcome from these effects only with the help of their parents and it is parents’ responsibility to take care of their children with care and warmth even after their divorce.

A top life-changing moment in someone’s life is the dissolution of a relationship with another person. For adults it is a major life stressor, but for children it is equal to the grieving process because of the death of a loved one or close friend.

The stages of grief over death the majority of adults go through are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. With divorce, children go through these stages in different ways that is normal for most.

Denial – Younger children will not understand what their parents’ divorce means, and will be in denial because of that. Older children will deny it until it actually happens. Once it does, they will move into anger.

Anger – More often than not, children will become angry with the primary caregiver, blaming them for the other parent not living in the home anymore.

Bargaining/Guilt – For children, this manifests itself as guilt because children will promise to behave better or promise other things if the parents would only get back together.

Depression/Sadness – For children, a general sadness takes over at the absence of one of their parents. The sadness is normal provided it will dissipate over time.

Acceptance – Many children are resilient even though they may take more time adjusting to a major change than adults do.

Divorcing parents need to watch for signs of the child’s failure to progress to the next stage easily. For the stages of denial and anger, parents need to talk to their child and make them understand that the divorce is real and it is happening, but that they did not do anything to cause it.

To alleviate the child’s sadness, divorcing parents must try to work out an amicable schedule for the absent parent to spend quality time with the child. It will be something for the child to look forward to, and can help to change their feelings of sadness.

A divorce can be devastating or a positive change for the family as a whole, depending on the circumstances. If a couple decides to separate, without the outward signs that are obvious to the rest of the family, a divorce can be a devastating shock to their children. If, however, children hear their parents in conflict frequently, separation or divorce may be the best thing for the children.

In the first scenario, both parents will feel the need to talk to others about what they are going through. They also need to be there for their children, without burdening the children with their problems. Children need only to know the facts.

In the second circumstance, the parents make up their minds to separate in the best interest of their children and of themselves. It will be the parents’ responsibility to talk to the children about the divorce. It is more important that parents know when to tell the kids, than what to tell them about it.

When it comes to explaining to a younger child that one parent will no longer live in the house, it is better that it happens soon after parents tell the children that it is going to happen. This is because small children have no concept of time. It will still be difficult for the child to adjust to the change, but it will not cause additional stress by allowing them to think and worry about it weeks or months ahead of time.

Older children will undoubtedly have questions and feelings of confusion or guilt, and parents should talk to them as soon as they set a definite date. This will give the parents enough time to answer all of the older children’s questions. It will also allow the adults to reassure the older children that they are in no way responsible for the breakup of their parents’ marriage.