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Single Moms Working Outside of the Home

A single mother working outside the home has three important questions she must ask herself:

Who will care for the children?

For older children, setting house rules is extremely important if they will be taking care of themselves. For school-aged children, a working mom must arrange for daycare and transportation, before and after, school. For children not old enough to attend school, the mom relies on other moms to find dependable, affordable daycare.

Will the guilt of leaving the children subside?

Once the mom works out who will take care of the children, the guilt she feels can overwhelm her, but she needs to know a few things that will ease that guilt. Since a single mom is responsible for everything involving child rearing, it can sometimes wear her down. It can wear on the children as well. The benefits of working outside the home outweigh any issues the working single mom may have.

Will spending less time with the children be harmful?

Contrary to what she may be feeling, young children do well in situations outside of the home when they are no longer dependent on only one person to fulfill their needs, physically and emotionally.

Children of working moms benefit because they

  • Learn to form lasting relationships with other adults in authority, and with other children.
  • Begin to appreciate the time they spend with their mother more
  • They learn responsibility and other important life skills for independence

Moms benefit by working outside the home because she is:

  • Developing relationships outside of the realm of other moms
  • Supporting herself and her children and taking care of all the family’s needs
  • Spending more quality time with her children because they are happy to see each other
Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: ,

How to Avoid the Middle Child Syndrome

It was not until the 1970′s that parents began to worry about the effects the birth order of their children would have on them, and on the children. Large families were common and many parents began following the advice of noted child psychologists about raising children. The middle child syndrome came into play and parents scrambled to find ways to avoid the problems psychologists said the child in the middle might have.

There are children in the middle of families with any number of children over two. The theory was that the firstborn, the oldest child in the family, retained the distinction of arriving first and received special treatment. There was also the theory that the newest member of the family, the baby, naturally received more attention simply because a baby or younger child requires constant supervision. Parents believed that they were neglecting all over children, the children in the middle.

When parents treat all of their children as unique individuals from birth, with distinctly different qualities, good, or bad, they will never have to worry about neglecting the middle child. If parents encourage each child to develop particular skills according to their likes and dislikes, all of their children will develop a healthy self-esteem.

Moreover, if parents are there to support and help each of their children with any problems they are having, giving equal time regardless of how small the problems may seem to the parents, none of them will feel left out.

Parents should never compare one child to the other in any manner, and always reflect on the best qualities of all of their children. If they do, there will never be a child in the middle.

Filed Under: Emotional Stress, Family Tagged With: ,

Helping Families Cope When a Parent Remarries

It is not easy under ideal circumstances, for adults to adjust to living together. When an adult with a child remarries, it presents unique difficulties for the child, the parent, and the stepparent. This is mainly because parents instinctively place their child’s feelings, health, and welfare above all else and above all others. The severity of problems depends on the age of the child. A young child adjusts easily to what appears to be the most difficult of situations for adults. An older child may need additional support.

It is difficult for the biological parent to adjust to their new spouse sharing the responsibility of raising their child especially in the area of discipline. It is equally hard for the stepparent to understand the role they will play in the marriage where their spouse’s child is concerned. To avoid these problems, the couple must deal with unforeseen problems beforehand. They need to discuss their views on rules and behaviors that are acceptable and unacceptable in children.

If the adult who will become a stepparent has children from a previous marriage, they will have their own set of rules in mind that they had for their children. If the new stepparent had no children, this will be a learning experience as well as a major adjustment.

When disagreements arise regarding behavior, consequences of that behavior, or discipline, both adults must make compromises in order for the union to work. Once they have a clear understanding of the responsibilities of their new roles, they should then have a discussion with the child. In doing so, the new family will be equipped to handle any problems that may arise, as they begin a new life together.

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Helping Children Cope with Divorce

A top life-changing moment in someone’s life is the dissolution of a relationship with another person. For adults it is a major life stressor, but for children it is equal to the grieving process because of the death of a loved one or close friend.

The stages of grief over death the majority of adults go through are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. With divorce, children go through these stages in different ways that is normal for most.

Denial – Younger children will not understand what their parents’ divorce means, and will be in denial because of that. Older children will deny it until it actually happens. Once it does, they will move into anger.

Anger – More often than not, children will become angry with the primary caregiver, blaming them for the other parent not living in the home anymore.

Bargaining/Guilt – For children, this manifests itself as guilt because children will promise to behave better or promise other things if the parents would only get back together.

Depression/Sadness – For children, a general sadness takes over at the absence of one of their parents. The sadness is normal provided it will dissipate over time.

Acceptance – Many children are resilient even though they may take more time adjusting to a major change than adults do.

Divorcing parents need to watch for signs of the child’s failure to progress to the next stage easily. For the stages of denial and anger, parents need to talk to their child and make them understand that the divorce is real and it is happening, but that they did not do anything to cause it.

To alleviate the child’s sadness, divorcing parents must try to work out an amicable schedule for the absent parent to spend quality time with the child. It will be something for the child to look forward to, and can help to change their feelings of sadness.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: , ,

Is There a Good Time to Tell Children About Their Parents’ Divorce?

A divorce can be devastating or a positive change for the family as a whole, depending on the circumstances. If a couple decides to separate, without the outward signs that are obvious to the rest of the family, a divorce can be a devastating shock to their children. If, however, children hear their parents in conflict frequently, separation or divorce may be the best thing for the children.

In the first scenario, both parents will feel the need to talk to others about what they are going through. They also need to be there for their children, without burdening the children with their problems. Children need only to know the facts.

In the second circumstance, the parents make up their minds to separate in the best interest of their children and of themselves. It will be the parents’ responsibility to talk to the children about the divorce. It is more important that parents know when to tell the kids, than what to tell them about it.

When it comes to explaining to a younger child that one parent will no longer live in the house, it is better that it happens soon after parents tell the children that it is going to happen. This is because small children have no concept of time. It will still be difficult for the child to adjust to the change, but it will not cause additional stress by allowing them to think and worry about it weeks or months ahead of time.

Older children will undoubtedly have questions and feelings of confusion or guilt, and parents should talk to them as soon as they set a definite date. This will give the parents enough time to answer all of the older children’s questions. It will also allow the adults to reassure the older children that they are in no way responsible for the breakup of their parents’ marriage.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: , ,

Remarriage and Children

There is a time and place for diamonds and while most of us would like that to be one time and one time only that is becoming less and less the norm. In reality, over 60 percent of married couples will divorce and out of those around 50 percent will remarry.

While divorce is difficult it is significantly more difficult if there are children involved. This is particularly true when one of the divorced parents wishes to remarry. Regardless of the age of the children this type of situation has to be approached very delicately. For most children there is some small hope and desire that their parents will someday get back together. A remarriage essentially crushes that dream and no matter how long the parents have been divorced it may serve as a shock which can have horrible repercussions.

Depending on the age of the child he or she may act out in various ways. The child can become withdrawn, seem uninterested in the whole matter or on the other side of the spectrum act out by being verbally or physically abusive. If the new step parent has children of their own it creates an entirely new dynamic. Suddenly, the children have “siblings” which they have no history or connection with.

When dealing with this situation it is essential that you have laid the necessary groundwork. Hopefully the child or children have met the partner of the parent who wishes to remarry and approve of them. Each child need to have their own relationship with the intended stepparent. The most important aspect of transitioning to a remarriage with children is to be open and honest about your relationships from the get go. If you are seeing someone and it is getting serious then do not hide this from your children. This is the only way that everyone involved can make a clean transition into the new situation.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: , ,

Managing Problems in a Blended Family

Divorcees with children may eventually find themselves ready to move on and remarry. They usually arrive at a place of restored confidence, ready to try marriage again. When one or both parties bring children into a second marriage, problems can occur. Carefully thought out plans can avoid the major problems, and allow them to overlook the small ones.

Set up rules

Parents have their own ideas when it comes to how to discipline or reward their children. They also have their own set of responsibilities they feel their child is capable of handling. The couple planning to join their families together as one, need to know where each one stands on methods of discipline and on what qualifies as an infraction. Through discussions and compromises, they can prepare one another for an essential part of parenting that will prevent skirmishes once the family is living together under one roof.

Ages of the children

Younger children, including babies, toddlers, and middle-aged children have the advantage over pre-teens and adolescents, as they adjust quickly to new settings. Older children will need additional support that both parents can give them. Both parents should talk to the children and ask for their feedback. Parents can do this separately at first, and then together as a family.

Having the children write lists of the pros and cons of a blended family. Once this is completed, encourage the children to participate in a session of problem solving. Have each child come up with ideas for solutions on how to turn a con on the list into a pro.

Marrying and having children can bring with it unexpected consequences and rewards. Blending two families together in marriage can compound problems, but it can also double the rewards, if the adults involve their children in preparing for any issues that may arise, and in helping to resolve them.

Filed Under: Family, Stress Tagged With: , ,

Tax Breaks for Families With Children

Parents, rejoice this tax season. Well, okay, maybe it’s not exactly time to get out the dancing shoes, but you can at least celebrate the fact that you might be able to take more tax deductions than you had originally thought. There are numerous tax credits you might be eligible to take without wading through a mile-high stack of forms. Not only might you get more money back in a tax refund, but you won’t have to hire a costly tax preparer when you take advantage of free tax filing.

If you cover over 50% of the expenses for a child, then you can claim the child as a dependent. In the case of divorce, check the divorce papers to see who can claim the child. If it’s not listed, the parent who has primary custody claims the child as a dependent unless other options are worked out among the parties. When you claim a child as a dependent, you are eligible for a reduction in taxable income for each child who is under 19 years old or a full-time student under 24 years old.

When you make less than a specific amount of money, you are also eligible to take a $1,000 tax credit for each child. You get deductions for adopted children (deduct attorney fees, state-imposed fees, and filing fees) and child care as well. Make sure you keep a record of childcare expenses throughout the year to be able to use them as a deduction. Just check out the International Revenue Service website for details. As you fill out the forms, don’t forget to take deductions for donated clothing (with proof of donation, of course). Another area you want to address is education. You might find that you are eligible for Lifetime Learning or Hope Tax Credits on your dependents. You can also deduct student loan interest.

Filed Under: Budgeting, Family Tagged With: , ,

New Dad? Why Not Plan a Great Mother’s Day for the New Mom?

Once a woman has a baby it might seem like all of the stress is over, but she’s really just traded the stress of pregnancy for the stress of motherhood. As a new dad, you’re likely seeing some of that stress and concern in action, and you may be feeling some of it, as well. With Mother’s Day coming up, one of the best things you can do is to help your partner have a relaxing, enjoyable day where she gets to do the kinds of things that she most wants to do. You might want to include the baby in part of the day, then keep watch over the new bundle of joy while mom goes off to do something just for herself, like a massage, a spa day, a manicure, or anything else truly relaxing and fun.

Before she does that, be sure to spend some time with her. You can get a card and sign it from the baby. Maybe breakfast in bed would be a good idea, too. While you’re at it, get her some flowers – hand-picked are better – and let the baby give them to her. You can even look around for baby costumes so you can dress the baby up like a flower or a bee in keeping with the theme. Cute costumes for babies are really popular, and you’ll bring a new mom so much joy by dressing up her precious child and having all of you spend some time together on her special day.

There are plenty of other gifts for Mother’s Day, of course, but the ones that mean the most are often the ones that are the most personal. Those are the kinds of gifts that mothers can really treasure, and the options that they will remember for a long time into the future. You can make some truly special memories on Mother’s Day with a little bit of advance planning.

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Working While Pregnant

While TV moms make it seem as if you can have it all, being a working mom or single mom is much less glamorous and much more complicated in real life. However, there are ways to make the transition from worker bee to working mom easier if you know how to handle things at work.

One of the first issues you have to consider is when to tell your boss that you’re pregnant. A good rule of thumb is to wait until you’ve cleared the first trimester to talk publicly about your pregnancy. Certainly, giving your boss a five month warning that you’re going to have a baby allows for plenty of time to plan for your absence. Before you share this big news with your boss, it’s wise to think through how much time you’d like to take off, whether you’re taking paid leave, unpaid leave or a combination of both, and what kind of work situation you’d like to have when you return. By going into the meeting with this kind of preparation, you’ll be ready to present a plan that’s thoughtful and beneficial for you and the company.

Don’t make assumptions about the benefits that are available to you. A bit of online research will give you valuable information, such as the fact that federal law requires employers with a minimum number of employees to offer 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. Also, talk with your company’s human resources department to find out how much leave you’re allowed to receive due to your pregnancy. You can even ask about what options are available when you return to work—options such as telecommuting several days a week, cutting back to a 30 hour work week, or job sharing with another working mom. Online pregnancy information for working and single moms can help you calculate when you should begin taking your maternity leave.

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,
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