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4 Effects Separation Has on Your Kids

Separation or divorce can be beneficial when things aren’t working out, but your children have to suffer from your decision, too. You will have people along the way to help you out, such as your Fairfield attorneys, but your children don’t have anyone but you and separation can greatly affect them.

 

Stress

Most children become overwhelmed when their parents break up because it is a huge turning point in their life. They have become accustomed to having both parents around and now must adjust to two homes and families.

Anger

Not all children get mad when their parents split up, but many of them do feel anger toward their parents for separating the family. They may not realize why you broke up and cannot completely understand it.

Torn

Not only do the children have to adjust to two different homes, but they are torn between the two parents. Many children become confused as to whose fault it was, why it happened, and who to trust. They also sometimes feel abandoned and afraid that they’ll lose their custodial parent as well.

Guilt

A lot of children think that their parents split up because of them. Although this is not true, they may feel that it’s their fault.

How to Help

The best thing you can do to help your child is to explain to them everything that’s happening. Don’t leave anything out. Sit them down and let them know exactly why you’re splitting up and that it isn’t their fault. Consider their feelings and ask their opinions. If they are still having emotional problems because of this, you may want to have them see a therapist.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

How to Handle Single Parent Stresses

Single parents normally deal with number of stresses regularly. It is very important for the single parents to have a balance between their life and work. Here are few simple tips to overcome the stresses that could happen in the life of the single parent.

My sister and her baby.

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Single parents are mostly only person in a family who has the stress to bring income on time and sometimes money can become tight to handle. The money in-flow is as important as creating security systems in your household to handle all the basic things required for running the family smoothly. For example, due to lack of money at certain times, parents may not be able to get all the things for their school going children and this creates little tension and stress between the parents and their child. This can be handled by the single parents by being open to their children and letting them know about the current economic situation of the family.

Parents can reduce their distance and tension with their children by simply making a routine calls during their busy work and letting them know that they are always for them. Mostly, task overload create a lot of tension among the single parents. They often feel emotionally as well as physically exhausted. Also, youngsters in the family may become very opinionated and more arguments may develop in the family. Single parents can deal this by taking some rests and taking some emotional support from someone around the house.

Sometimes, single parents become very much worried about the child’s changing behavior because of separation. Parents need not have to worry, this actually diminishes over the period of time.

 

Filed Under: Family, Parenting, Stress Tagged With: , ,

Being A Single Mom

My photos that have a creative commons license... 

Image via Wikipedia

Being a single mother can be very difficult and frustrating, but being a mother is one of the greatest gifts anyone can ask for. When you are a single mom, make sure you have friends and family that are there to help you. Even though you are a single mom, you do not have to raise your kids alone. Of course you have to stay home and take care of your kids, but you do need to have some time for yourself as well.

Make sure your kids know that you are the boss. Many children in a home with a single parent may feel like there should be another adult, so they try to step in. Single mothers often need help somewhere along the way. Do not be afraid to ask for help; there are many single parent support groups you can join.

Even though things get hard at times, make sure you are keeping your home structured and comfortable. This will mean having regular meal times, bed times, and a few chores. There are also books that can be very helpful as well. Most single moms need all the help they can get.

Make sure your children know how much you love them. It is ok not to give your child everything he or she wants. Make sure they earn it and you are teaching them responsibility so they can succeed later in life. Remember, you never have to do anything alone. Friends and family will always be there to help.

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Education After Children — Is It Possible?

You may be saying to yourself, “It’s time to earn my degree.” If you have children, the prospect of going to college may seem impossible. After all, your children will need you and you may already be feeling overwhelmed with family and household responsibilities. However, parents go back to school all the time. With careful planning and reaching out to others for a bit of support, you can achieve your goal.

Making Your Education Wish a Reality

You’ve said to yourself, “I’m going to earn my degree.” That is the first step in the right direction. You will need steadfast determination to overcome any challenges that may be involved. Your next step will be to pinpoint exactly what you wish to study. If possible, speak to a career counselor to ensure that you are investing time in a degree that will lead you to a career that is a true fit for you.

Enlist the Support of Others

Reach out to relatives, friends and community members for support. Let them know what you hope to accomplish. You might find that with each person pitching in a little bit, your needs will be covered. Your in-laws may watch the kids while you’re attending college. The kids may be able to attend a free community activity several times a week while you study. Your college may have a job program that allows you to pay for your studies. Your best friend might have suggestions for how to organize your time.

With a bit of determination, planning, and support, you can achieve your educational goals.

 

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Is Gift Giving During a Divorce OK?

Choosing to pursue a divorce is never an easy decision, especially when there are children involved. From worrying about the emotional struggles children with divorced parents face to the financial burden of single working parents, it often seems like there is no end in sight to the difficulties. One of the toughest questions is this: is gift giving during a divorce okay? While each parent will have to make this decision for themselves, there are some guidelines to follow.

First, remember the “Child’s Bill of Rights.” Every child has a right to love both parents. Purchasing expensive gifts solely for the purpose of being the ‘cool’ dad or the ‘fun’ mommy isn’t fair to anyone. Instead, remember that gift giving during a divorce should be done with the interest of the child in mind.

For example, if mom moves into a new home, she may want to consider purchasing her daughter some new American Girl doll clothing or her son some new Matchbox cars to make the move easier. Similarly, dad may want to pick the kids up a special treat for their first overnight with him.

The key is always communications – it is always a good idea to discuss gift giving with your ex, no matter how difficult that may be. In most cases, you can come to a decision together about what is okay and what isn’t.

Emotional struggles during divorces are to be expected and as long as you do not use gift giving as bribes or to ‘buy’ the affection of your children, it can be a positive way to ease the tension.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: ,

Getting by as a Single Working Mom

Whether you’re a single mom by personal choice or forced circumstance, you know there are many challenges that go along with raising your kids.  Single working parents don’t just have to keep their careers on track.  They also have to cope with the emotional struggles that go along with their situation and create a stable and loving environment for their kids.  Here are a few tips to help you out.

Make time for yourself:

It might seem impossible with all of your commitments, but you need to take time out to take care of yourself.  While it’s important to have people at work who understand you, it’s also helpful to make friends from out of the office so you can have some time for a fun break.  More than anything, though, make sure you have time to just be alone.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help:

When you need help, be it for a babysitter or someone to help pitch in with something on the job, it’s important to reach out.  It’s also very important to develop a support network to be there for you to help out with practical things when you don’t have the time to get everything done.  They’ll also be there for you when you’re dealing with emotional struggles.  You’re network can of course include close family and friends, but you should consider reaching out to new people and joining a support group.

Remember you’re not alone:

Single working parents can feel isolated.  But keep in mind that there are many people you can count on that will be there for you when you need someone.

Hold on, kids: it's starting to rain, and we gotta run for home!

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Finding Time for Dating

During these tough economic times, more and more single parents find themselves working multiple jobs just to make ends meet. Being a parent is a full-time job by itself, and with the combination of parenting and working, most people just can’t find time for themselves, let alone dating. Who has time to go out to a bar, club or any of the other usual hot spots where singles meet? Are single parents destined to be alone? Single parents are now able to find that special someone with a little help from the Internet.

As the Internet became more popular and widespread, dating became fun and easy thanks to interactive dating sites. Now, instead of surfing the net just for fun, you can use it to find true love. You can choose the gender of the partner you are looking for and create your own unique profile. Completing this profile helps to match you with the most compatible partner and takes the guesswork out of whether someone is a good match for you.

Allowing a dating site to help you find that perfect someone allows you to spend more time with your children then on going out and dating someone who you don’t connect with. There are several articles to help with the online dating scene and to give single parents advice on re-entering the dating scene. Do your research and make sure to create a truthful profile to allow for the best possible match and to allow you to meet that perfect someone.

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Single Moms Working Outside of the Home

A single mother working outside the home has three important questions she must ask herself:

Who will care for the children?

For older children, setting house rules is extremely important if they will be taking care of themselves. For school-aged children, a working mom must arrange for daycare and transportation, before and after, school. For children not old enough to attend school, the mom relies on other moms to find dependable, affordable daycare.

Will the guilt of leaving the children subside?

Once the mom works out who will take care of the children, the guilt she feels can overwhelm her, but she needs to know a few things that will ease that guilt. Since a single mom is responsible for everything involving child rearing, it can sometimes wear her down. It can wear on the children as well. The benefits of working outside the home outweigh any issues the working single mom may have.

Will spending less time with the children be harmful?

Contrary to what she may be feeling, young children do well in situations outside of the home when they are no longer dependent on only one person to fulfill their needs, physically and emotionally.

Children of working moms benefit because they

  • Learn to form lasting relationships with other adults in authority, and with other children.
  • Begin to appreciate the time they spend with their mother more
  • They learn responsibility and other important life skills for independence

Moms benefit by working outside the home because she is:

  • Developing relationships outside of the realm of other moms
  • Supporting herself and her children and taking care of all the family’s needs
  • Spending more quality time with her children because they are happy to see each other
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Involving the Children in Divorced Parents Visitations

Assuming that divorcing parents place their children above any other aspect of their separation, they should be able to agree on visitation rights for the parent moving out of the home.

Small children cannot decide for themselves how often they will see the absent parent, anymore than they can decide the setting of the visits. However, divorcing parents should make the decisions, not the courts, and they should include their older children in on any decision they make regarding visitation rights.

The divorced parents’ feelings will undoubtedly come into play, but they should be secondary to the children’s feelings and emotions before, during, and after the divorce. Not all children feel the same about their parents’ divorce. This is why it is so important to involve them on when, where, and how often they will see the parent that moves out of the home. Parents should discuss possible solutions to any problems with visitation rights and come up with reasonable compromises, if necessary.

If children feel hurt and not ready to spend time with the absent parent in the beginning, both parents should respect that, and hope that their feelings will change with time. In addition, children may want to spend more time with the absent parent at the start, which parents must also consider.

Multiple children in the family may make it necessary for parents to arrange separate visitations or those that include all of the children at once. What the parents feel is best for the children regarding visitations, combined with what they hear their children tell them, is the best start for reaching amicable goals for all those involved in the divorce.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: ,

Helping Families Cope When a Parent Remarries

It is not easy under ideal circumstances, for adults to adjust to living together. When an adult with a child remarries, it presents unique difficulties for the child, the parent, and the stepparent. This is mainly because parents instinctively place their child’s feelings, health, and welfare above all else and above all others. The severity of problems depends on the age of the child. A young child adjusts easily to what appears to be the most difficult of situations for adults. An older child may need additional support.

It is difficult for the biological parent to adjust to their new spouse sharing the responsibility of raising their child especially in the area of discipline. It is equally hard for the stepparent to understand the role they will play in the marriage where their spouse’s child is concerned. To avoid these problems, the couple must deal with unforeseen problems beforehand. They need to discuss their views on rules and behaviors that are acceptable and unacceptable in children.

If the adult who will become a stepparent has children from a previous marriage, they will have their own set of rules in mind that they had for their children. If the new stepparent had no children, this will be a learning experience as well as a major adjustment.

When disagreements arise regarding behavior, consequences of that behavior, or discipline, both adults must make compromises in order for the union to work. Once they have a clear understanding of the responsibilities of their new roles, they should then have a discussion with the child. In doing so, the new family will be equipped to handle any problems that may arise, as they begin a new life together.

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