Finding Time for Dating

April 9, 2011 by Leave a Comment

During these tough economic times, more and more single parents find themselves working multiple jobs just to make ends meet. Being a parent is a full-time job by itself, and with the combination of parenting and working, most people just can’t find time for themselves, let alone dating. Who has time to go out to a bar, club or any of the other usual hot spots where singles meet? Are single parents destined to be alone? Single parents are now able to find that special someone with a little help from the Internet.

As the Internet became more popular and widespread, dating became fun and easy thanks to interactive dating sites. Now, instead of surfing the net just for fun, you can use it to find true love. You can choose the gender of the partner you are looking for and create your own unique profile. Completing this profile helps to match you with the most compatible partner and takes the guesswork out of whether someone is a good match for you.

Allowing a dating site to help you find that perfect someone allows you to spend more time with your children then on going out and dating someone who you don’t connect with. There are several articles to help with the online dating scene and to give single parents advice on re-entering the dating scene. Do your research and make sure to create a truthful profile to allow for the best possible match and to allow you to meet that perfect someone.

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

3 Best Single Mom Blogs

April 4, 2011 by Leave a Comment

You’ve recently been through a divorce and although the choice for separation was an important one, times are more than tough for you and for your children. Especially now.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/usnationalarchives/4726921997/sizes/s/in/photostream/

The good news is that moms all across the globe struggle with visitation rights, keeping their children dressed and well-fed, even paying the mortgage on time; it seems everyone has something to say about how it feels to be a single mom, especially those moms who are or have been in the thick and thin of it.

Need a single mom blog or two to cheer you up? Give you the added support to act on this most important journey called single motherhood? Want time for yourself but don’t know how to get it? Take a look at these helpful blogs:

  • The “What’s Wrong with Mommy?” blog delves into the personal trauma of divorce and its affect on children. Get the grit on working as a single mom, deal with visitation—no, mommy and daddy are not getting back together, and receive some frank discussion surrounding single parenting.
  • Get the honest truth from this young, single mom. “New Single Mama” shares her heartfelt journey with her child’s daddy in prison. Learn about dating, day care and keeping life going as a single mom.
  • “Ms. Single Mama” speaks on “life, love and motherhood” and brings readers to the ultimate reminder: “Life is priceless.” Get some positive shots in the arm to help you deal with the realities of single mom hood.

Get the help you need and then some with these insightful blogs on being a single mom.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: , , ,

Life After Bankruptcy

April 2, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Sometimes, even after the most careful spending, financial disaster can still strike, leaving one with no alternative other than bankruptcy.

Once the dust has settled after such a major life-altering decision, the question that will first surface is: how does one regain a decent credit score? And then, what is the fastest way toward something as simple as car refinancing?

Obviously refinancing a car after bankruptcy can be a smart move to help further reduce monthly expenditures, but part of making this a reality is boosting that credit score so one actually can obtain a car refinance.

So how does one accomplish both at the same time?

First, realize that you may need help. If you have a good friend or family member with a decent credit rating who is willing to co-sign for you, your chances of obtaining refinancing is much higher. A lender will look much more favorably at two incomes, especially when one has good credit.

Next, start a savings account.  A little money in savings can be the deciding factor for a lender in obtaining car refinancing.

Find out what the minimum credit score is in order to obtain a refinance and start working towards that goal. Most lenders will not even look at you until your score is at least 600 and even then, expect that a solid down payment is usually required.

Having a bankruptcy on your record is going to make refinancing difficult; expect it. Nevertheless, don’t give up. If your goal is to ease expenditures while raising your score, then stay diligent and you will begin to see positive results.

Filed Under: Budgeting, General Tagged With: , ,

Single Moms Working Outside of the Home

March 25, 2011 by Leave a Comment

A single mother working outside the home has three important questions she must ask herself:

Who will care for the children?

For older children, setting house rules is extremely important if they will be taking care of themselves. For school-aged children, a working mom must arrange for daycare and transportation, before and after, school. For children not old enough to attend school, the mom relies on other moms to find dependable, affordable daycare.

Will the guilt of leaving the children subside?

Once the mom works out who will take care of the children, the guilt she feels can overwhelm her, but she needs to know a few things that will ease that guilt. Since a single mom is responsible for everything involving child rearing, it can sometimes wear her down. It can wear on the children as well. The benefits of working outside the home outweigh any issues the working single mom may have.

Will spending less time with the children be harmful?

Contrary to what she may be feeling, young children do well in situations outside of the home when they are no longer dependent on only one person to fulfill their needs, physically and emotionally.

Children of working moms benefit because they

  • Learn to form lasting relationships with other adults in authority, and with other children.
  • Begin to appreciate the time they spend with their mother more
  • They learn responsibility and other important life skills for independence

Moms benefit by working outside the home because she is:

  • Developing relationships outside of the realm of other moms
  • Supporting herself and her children and taking care of all the family’s needs
  • Spending more quality time with her children because they are happy to see each other
Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: ,

How to Avoid the Middle Child Syndrome

March 18, 2011 by Leave a Comment

It was not until the 1970′s that parents began to worry about the effects the birth order of their children would have on them, and on the children. Large families were common and many parents began following the advice of noted child psychologists about raising children. The middle child syndrome came into play and parents scrambled to find ways to avoid the problems psychologists said the child in the middle might have.

There are children in the middle of families with any number of children over two. The theory was that the firstborn, the oldest child in the family, retained the distinction of arriving first and received special treatment. There was also the theory that the newest member of the family, the baby, naturally received more attention simply because a baby or younger child requires constant supervision. Parents believed that they were neglecting all over children, the children in the middle.

When parents treat all of their children as unique individuals from birth, with distinctly different qualities, good, or bad, they will never have to worry about neglecting the middle child. If parents encourage each child to develop particular skills according to their likes and dislikes, all of their children will develop a healthy self-esteem.

Moreover, if parents are there to support and help each of their children with any problems they are having, giving equal time regardless of how small the problems may seem to the parents, none of them will feel left out.

Parents should never compare one child to the other in any manner, and always reflect on the best qualities of all of their children. If they do, there will never be a child in the middle.

Filed Under: Emotional Stress, Family Tagged With: ,

Involving the Children in Divorced Parents Visitations

March 9, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Assuming that divorcing parents place their children above any other aspect of their separation, they should be able to agree on visitation rights for the parent moving out of the home.

Small children cannot decide for themselves how often they will see the absent parent, anymore than they can decide the setting of the visits. However, divorcing parents should make the decisions, not the courts, and they should include their older children in on any decision they make regarding visitation rights.

The divorced parents’ feelings will undoubtedly come into play, but they should be secondary to the children’s feelings and emotions before, during, and after the divorce. Not all children feel the same about their parents’ divorce. This is why it is so important to involve them on when, where, and how often they will see the parent that moves out of the home. Parents should discuss possible solutions to any problems with visitation rights and come up with reasonable compromises, if necessary.

If children feel hurt and not ready to spend time with the absent parent in the beginning, both parents should respect that, and hope that their feelings will change with time. In addition, children may want to spend more time with the absent parent at the start, which parents must also consider.

Multiple children in the family may make it necessary for parents to arrange separate visitations or those that include all of the children at once. What the parents feel is best for the children regarding visitations, combined with what they hear their children tell them, is the best start for reaching amicable goals for all those involved in the divorce.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: ,

Helping Families Cope When a Parent Remarries

March 4, 2011 by Leave a Comment

It is not easy under ideal circumstances, for adults to adjust to living together. When an adult with a child remarries, it presents unique difficulties for the child, the parent, and the stepparent. This is mainly because parents instinctively place their child’s feelings, health, and welfare above all else and above all others. The severity of problems depends on the age of the child. A young child adjusts easily to what appears to be the most difficult of situations for adults. An older child may need additional support.

It is difficult for the biological parent to adjust to their new spouse sharing the responsibility of raising their child especially in the area of discipline. It is equally hard for the stepparent to understand the role they will play in the marriage where their spouse’s child is concerned. To avoid these problems, the couple must deal with unforeseen problems beforehand. They need to discuss their views on rules and behaviors that are acceptable and unacceptable in children.

If the adult who will become a stepparent has children from a previous marriage, they will have their own set of rules in mind that they had for their children. If the new stepparent had no children, this will be a learning experience as well as a major adjustment.

When disagreements arise regarding behavior, consequences of that behavior, or discipline, both adults must make compromises in order for the union to work. Once they have a clear understanding of the responsibilities of their new roles, they should then have a discussion with the child. In doing so, the new family will be equipped to handle any problems that may arise, as they begin a new life together.

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Helping Children Cope with Divorce

February 25, 2011 by Leave a Comment

A top life-changing moment in someone’s life is the dissolution of a relationship with another person. For adults it is a major life stressor, but for children it is equal to the grieving process because of the death of a loved one or close friend.

The stages of grief over death the majority of adults go through are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. With divorce, children go through these stages in different ways that is normal for most.

Denial – Younger children will not understand what their parents’ divorce means, and will be in denial because of that. Older children will deny it until it actually happens. Once it does, they will move into anger.

Anger – More often than not, children will become angry with the primary caregiver, blaming them for the other parent not living in the home anymore.

Bargaining/Guilt – For children, this manifests itself as guilt because children will promise to behave better or promise other things if the parents would only get back together.

Depression/Sadness – For children, a general sadness takes over at the absence of one of their parents. The sadness is normal provided it will dissipate over time.

Acceptance – Many children are resilient even though they may take more time adjusting to a major change than adults do.

Divorcing parents need to watch for signs of the child’s failure to progress to the next stage easily. For the stages of denial and anger, parents need to talk to their child and make them understand that the divorce is real and it is happening, but that they did not do anything to cause it.

To alleviate the child’s sadness, divorcing parents must try to work out an amicable schedule for the absent parent to spend quality time with the child. It will be something for the child to look forward to, and can help to change their feelings of sadness.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: , ,

On Being Responsible with Your Money

February 17, 2011 by Leave a Comment
Debt Consolidation, Circa 1948

Image by Orin Zebest via Flickr

As a parent, you really have no other option than to be responsible with the money that you bring into your household. You need to be able to save money in order to be effective as a parent, because you need to be able to tackle the myriad of different expenses that come up when you are raising a family. Because your children depend on you, because your spouse depends on you, being frugal and fiscally responsible is an absolute necessity.

There are a lot of different things that you can do to get a handle on your finances. For example, a car refinance will allow you to earn some more favorable terms so that your monthly payment is not as difficult to tackle. By refinancing your auto loan, you are getting a longer loan term and a smaller interest rate, which means a lower monthly payment. The same is true if you decide to pursue a mortgage refinance, because you extend the term length of your loan and vie for a lower interest rate, and what this translates into is savings of hundreds if not thousands of dollars a year in mortgage monthly payments.

Learning how to save money does not have to be difficult. Whether you collect coupons to save money on your groceries or apply for a debt consolidation loan so that you can tackle your debts, there are a number of different things that you can do to be more fiscally responsible regarding your family’s finances.

A few basic activities along these lines can really have a profound impact on your finances, so if you want to stop spending so much and start saving money over time so that you can keep your family in good financial shape, then start out with a plan to save money and start paring down your monthly expenses accordingly.

Filed Under: Budgeting, General Tagged With: , ,

Is There a Good Time to Tell Children About Their Parents’ Divorce?

February 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment

A divorce can be devastating or a positive change for the family as a whole, depending on the circumstances. If a couple decides to separate, without the outward signs that are obvious to the rest of the family, a divorce can be a devastating shock to their children. If, however, children hear their parents in conflict frequently, separation or divorce may be the best thing for the children.

In the first scenario, both parents will feel the need to talk to others about what they are going through. They also need to be there for their children, without burdening the children with their problems. Children need only to know the facts.

In the second circumstance, the parents make up their minds to separate in the best interest of their children and of themselves. It will be the parents’ responsibility to talk to the children about the divorce. It is more important that parents know when to tell the kids, than what to tell them about it.

When it comes to explaining to a younger child that one parent will no longer live in the house, it is better that it happens soon after parents tell the children that it is going to happen. This is because small children have no concept of time. It will still be difficult for the child to adjust to the change, but it will not cause additional stress by allowing them to think and worry about it weeks or months ahead of time.

Older children will undoubtedly have questions and feelings of confusion or guilt, and parents should talk to them as soon as they set a definite date. This will give the parents enough time to answer all of the older children’s questions. It will also allow the adults to reassure the older children that they are in no way responsible for the breakup of their parents’ marriage.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: , ,
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