You are here: Home / Archives for Child

Helping Your Child Through Divorce Related Sadness

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...
Image via CrunchBase

One of the hardest things for a parent is trying to help their children if they are feeling sad or depressed. It can be especially hard if this sadness comes because of a divorce or separation. Sometimes the child will need to work through certain aspects of the situation on their own; however, there are certainly ways that you can help your child feel better about the situation.

First, make sure your child has plenty of opportunities to spend time with and communicate with the other parent. Hopefully your ex wants to be involved in your child’s everyday life and they will be able to talk every day that they can’t see each other. The internet is a great tool for keeping in touch. With the social networks like Facebook and tools like Skype available there are more ways than ever to communicate with your loved ones.

Next, make sure that your children know they can talk to you about any concerns they may have. Many times kids have questions that they would really like to know the answer to, but they are afraid to go to their parents with them. They may wonder if one day their parents will get back together, or they may be worried about you dating other people. Make sure you are a good source of information for your children and they will want to come to you with all of their concerns in the future.

Finally, try to keep your child’s life as stable as you possibly can. If you can avoid having them change schools during the divorce that would be ideal. If you do have to move, help them to visit their old friends and help them fix their new room the way they want it. Stability will go a long way in helping your child feel more comfortable about the entire situation.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , , ,

Mentoring for Children Going Through Divorce

Even with divorce as prevalent in our society as it is, kids can sometimes feel like they are the only ones that are going through the emotions associated with divorce. There are many different ways to help them with their feelings. Some children may need to see a therapist, some children will work through the feelings alone, and some children may get great benefits from a mentor. A mentor would be an older teenager that has gone through some of the same things in the past and could provide some wisdom and advice for your child as well as being a friend to them.

You likely already know someone who would be a great candidate to mentor your child through this difficult time. If you go to church, look at some of the kids in youth group that really seem to have it together, and think if maybe one of them have gone through divorce. Chances are there are a few of them. Or maybe you have a divorced friend with a teen. Just make sure you choose someone who will be a good support for your child. This isn’t something you would usually pay someone to do; it’s not like being a babysitter. But you may consider giving a nice gift to them for their birthday or Christmas just to thank them for everything they do.

Your child will more than likely love having the attention of a teenager, they will feel special having this friend and they may be able to share more or talk about things with them that they can’t with their parents. For many kids, having someone who is there and ready to listen can mean the difference between getting through the divorce in one piece and cracking under the pressure. Mentors are a great solution for many children that are struggling with their parents divorce.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Dealing With a Child’s Rejection

Depending on the age of your children when you go through your divorce they may react in many different ways. One reaction that many parents don’t expect is by rejecting one parent. If the child feels like one parent is the one that is responsible for the divorce, this is more likely to happen.

This is most common among teenagers, and from my experience it is more likely to happen if one parent becomes involved in another relationship soon after the divorce. The child may think that the parent’s new relationship is the reason for the divorce and will have ill feelings towards this parent.

If you sense these feelings in your teen, or you see outward signs of this it may be time to find your child some extra help. If you are the parent that is being rejected, it can be even harder to help your child work through this since they are likely not open to listening to you. If you and your ex are on good terms, it may be worth the effort to speak to them about the problem and see if they can talk to your child on your behalf. If the child knows that the other parent is not resentful, it may help them to accept the changes going on in their life a bit better.

This is especially important to nip in the bud if you have more than one child. Because one child can influence the others if they are acting out or speaking bad of one or both parents. You do not want your younger children to start seeing one parent as being the bad guy and the other as being the victim. These kinds of thoughts can have lifelong impact and harm the child’s relationship with the parent in the future.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Telling Your Children You are Divorcing

A very difficult thing for any parent to have to face is telling their children that there is going to be a divorce. In some cases there may not have been any outward signs that there was trouble in your marriage, and sometimes the children may know that their parents are struggling to get along. In either situation it can be hard, but there are a few things you can keep in mind that may help you get through this conversation without making matters worse.

Depending on how old your kids are, they may or may not even understand what a divorce is. For young children, it may help to give them something to compare it to. Perhaps they have a friend with divorced parents, or maybe they enjoy watching a television show that has parents that do not live in the same house. No matter what age they are, but especially if they are small, make sure the children understand that the divorce is not their fault and that they will be able to see both of their parents often (if this is the case.)

For older children, you may have a few extra issues to deal with. If the child is going to have to move out of the house they grew up in, or change schools there will be extra care that needs to be taken when discussing this. Also, be prepared that your child or children may resent or reject you after you tell them the news. Older kids tend to try to put the blame on one parent or the other. No matter which parent your child tries to side with, you need to help end this type of thinking before it turns into something extremely unhealthy. Giving your children plenty of chances to talk through their feelings is also key in helping to prevent any lingering uncertainty.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Helping Children Deal With Divorce

The issue of divorce is tough enough for anyone, but when kids are in the picture this paints a whole new picture. Divorced parents often put their own feelings aside to ensure that their kids develop the appropriate coping mechanisms. Sometimes this can put them in the dreaded realm of overcompensation.

It is true that helping children cope will take some effort on the part of the divorced parents. The big mistake would be in thinking that any one tip can work for all children. Personality, gender and age will impact how they react to divorce and how willing they are to accept help.

Creating stability

Helping children adjust to divorce is all about crafting stability in an unstable situation. The already complex parent-child dynamic can become a veritable minefield, so you need to tread carefully. Some ways to improve their ability cope include:

-Leave the arguments behind you. If arguing never got you anywhere but to the divorce table, it’s hardly likely to do you any good now. Arguing in front of your children will only make it more difficult for them to cope.
-Keep routines where possible. Whether it’s soccer or music practice ensure that they continue to do the activities they love. This will maintain some level of normalcy.
-Communicate. Yes, this word is one of the most overused in the English language but it is especially applicable to children of divorced parents. Kids sometimes need to share their feelings. It helps if they know they can count on both parents to listen if they need to talk.

Kids are smart and they will understand that there has been a big change. They may not get this right away, which is why the parents will have to put in some work. Divorce is generally a time of upheaval within the family. Like any other destructive event, however, it presents the possibilities of new growth. Children need help to see this as well.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Helping Children Deal With a New Relationship

Divorce Your Speed
Image via Wikipedia

Divorce may not be inevitable, but for many divorcees starting new relationships can be. Many divorced people actively seek out new romance, while for some it just happens. Whatever the circumstances, this can complicate the already fragile equilibrium between divorced parents and their children.

The forging of new relationships can be tricky. Some children carry unresolved feelings about their parents’ breakup for years. When a new person enters the mix, things can get volatile. This is a situation that must be approached with a great deal of caution. Keep in mind that some parents have been able to weather the storm and offer the guidance their children need.

Ways to Cope

It may be best to prepare the child before the first introductions are done. Even children who normally display mature behavior can express deep resentment in these situations. Their anger at the divorce may be transferred to the new person in dad’s or mom’s life.

Never try to force the new person on your child or children. This is already a tough time for them. Engineering situations for them to spend time together can be disastrous. Try to let things happen as naturally as possible. The child will appreciate being able to accept this new person at their own pace.

Never compare the new person in your life to your ex, at least not within earshot of your child. This can increase feelings of resentment, and will certainly endanger your relationship. Always try to speak positively about your ex, no matter what the reason for the breakup.

It seems to be more difficult for boys to adjust to their mom’s new relationship. They generally see themselves as the man of the house in the dad’s absence. A new man is sometimes seen as a usurper of that position. As long as there is a lot of patience and understanding, there is no reason why all parties should not overcome these hurdles.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Balancing Work and Parenting Responsibilities

Doing the best she can
Image via Wikipedia

Being a working parent can be rather challenging. Being a single working parent is even more so. This is the position many divorced people find themselves in on a daily basis. Juggling both roles is difficult especially for a parent who was previously a stay-at-home mom or dad.

Parenting in itself is not always easy. Luckily there are ways that a single parent can successfully balance both working and parenting responsibilities. It will take some trial and error before finding the methods that work best. What works for one person may not work for another.

Here are some tips that have been used successfully by singles parents regardless of gender:

-Find a network of people who can assist with watching the children in an emergency. Depending on the job, you may be called away without warning. It is necessary to ensure that these persons have a good relationship with the children. This will ensure harmony and give you peace of mind.
-Make a list or set up a yearly planner of the family goals you need to accomplish and set completion dates. It may be something as simple as going to the park every Sunday as a family. Remember that as children get older they will not want to spend as much time with you.
-Sometimes better organization and time management is all that is needed to strike a workable balance between family, work and any other responsibilities.

Since work and family should be priorities in your life, you need to find common ground where one does not overtake the other in importance. If work becomes your main focus you will find that family relationships may suffer. Single parents generally need to work so as to take care of their families’ needs, but this should not be to the detriment of family relationships. Work, while important, will never be as fulfilling as the family bond.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

The Blended Family Dilemma

The blended family is now more the norm than the exception. This type of family was previously referred to as a stepfamily. It refers to a family where one or both persons come into a relationship with children from previous marriages or relationships. Bringing two sets of people together in this way can sometimes be explosive. However, with care, the blended family structure can work quite well.

When it comes to children in this situation the first rule of thumb is to show all the children the same level of love and attention. To do otherwise is to breed discontent and resentment. Sadly, some adults in this situation try too hard and so alienate not only their own children but those of their partner as well. Striking a balance in a blended family takes time and effort as it is the coming together of people with different personalities, backgrounds and even beliefs.

The adults in such a family need to show each other love and respect. Children are perceptive and will pick up and problems and choose sides. Of course, this is no way to build a family bond between people who had little or no choice in the new family they have become a part of. Worse yet, making disparaging remarks about the ex in front of the children can have a negative effect. This should be avoided at all cost.

Discipline is another sore point in many blended family units. This should be tempered with love. This is often an issue that has to be partially worked out before bringing the families together.

Successful blended family relationships do not happen overnight. It will take patience to build trust and eventually a loving bond with the new members of the family. Having realistic expectations is necessary so as to avoid frustration if everyone doesn’t immediately warm to each other.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Recognizing the Signs of Depression in Children

It is not just adults who come out of a divorce with depression. Many children of divorced couples also end up being depressed. Change can adversely affect our emotional state, and divorce is one of life’s major changes. Children deal with this destruction of their family unit in different ways. Once there is divorce in a family with children, it is important to look out for signs of depression.

Signs of Childhood Depression

These signs tend to vary depending on the age of the child. This makes it difficult sometimes to come to the right diagnosis easily. When a normally talkative or sociable child becomes withdrawn, this may be a sign of depression. Talking to them may help identify what the problem is.

Problem periods of sadness or weepiness can also be indicative of depression. Creating a dialogue with the child can help to rule out other causes. Some children may begin to act out either in the home or at school, prompting an intervention.

Decreasing the Incidence of Childhood Depression after Divorce
There are few things parents can do to help minimize the chance of depression in their children following a divorce. Some of these include:
-Encourage a high level of communication. Let them know that while you are divorcing each other, it does not mean that you do not love them anymore. Allow them to express their feelings and fears.
-Do not abruptly change their daily routines. It is sometimes necessary to move to another location, but try to keep things as normal as possible.
-Help children to realize that the divorce is not their fault. Many children mistakenly believe that they have something to do with their parents’ separation.

If children exhibit any signs of depression they should be taken to the doctor for a proper evaluation and treatment. For many children of divorce, once they have come to terms with the separation they

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Organizing Play Dates with Other Single Parents

Play dates are scheduled get-togethers where parents allow their kids to interact and have fun. Play dates are important to many single parents, especially when they have just one child. These meetings help them to develop the kind of social skills which prepare them for the real world.

For single parents, play dates have added significance. They give single people the chance to meet. Who knows what may develop at just the right moment? Even without a new romance, new friendships are not so bad either.

The hardest thing for single parents to do, especially if they were previously married is to go about setting up play dates. It makes sense to organize them with people you already know and get along with. There is the option of planning activities beforehand, but playing comes naturally to children. It can also be a good way to help them handle their parents- divorce.

Organizing play dates is generally harder for singles for a number of reasons. One main reason is being able to find the time in between working, caring for family and relaxing. Single parenting is often more demanding as there is no support such as that provided by a spouse.

Arranging the Play Date

The first step to arranging the play date is to decide which children you want your kids to play with. This may be their best friend or friends at school, children they sometimes see at the park or even the neighbor’s children who are of the same age. Once this hurdle is taken care of, it’s on to finding great spots to have those meetings.

The park is always a good place. Some parents like having play dates at fast food outlets with play areas for little ones. No matter what the activity is, or the setting, the kids’safety should always be kept in mind.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,
« Older Posts
Newer Posts »