When a couple decides to get a divorce, the children may not understand why this is happening. They may wonder why mom and dad would do this and think they are doing it to be mean. It is up to both parents to help the children understand why the divorce is happening and to why it is actually a good thing for their family.

Your children may think that because you are getting divorced that they won’t see their mom or won’t see their dad because that is what happened to a friend of theirs. Assure them that you and your soon to be ex both want to be involved in their lives and that you will both be spending lots of time with them throughout the process and once the divorce is final.

Your children may go through a phase where they want to try and get their parents to stay together or get back together. If you see this in your children you will want to have a discussion with them about why you and your ex broke up and why it would not be for anyone’s best interest for you to get back together. It is perfectly natural for your children to want to see their parents together, but it isn’t a good for them to hold the fantasy that one day everything is just going to magically be all better.

Finally, it is very important for both parents to make sure their children do not hear them talking badly about each other. If they overhear you saying bad things about your ex to your friends they may either start to believe these things, or they may get angry at you. Either scenario is not a good one, and creates extra tensions at a time that is already pretty stressful.

Depending on the age of your children when you go through your divorce they may react in many different ways. One reaction that many parents don’t expect is by rejecting one parent. If the child feels like one parent is the one that is responsible for the divorce, this is more likely to happen.

This is most common among teenagers, and from my experience it is more likely to happen if one parent becomes involved in another relationship soon after the divorce. The child may think that the parent’s new relationship is the reason for the divorce and will have ill feelings towards this parent.

If you sense these feelings in your teen, or you see outward signs of this it may be time to find your child some extra help. If you are the parent that is being rejected, it can be even harder to help your child work through this since they are likely not open to listening to you. If you and your ex are on good terms, it may be worth the effort to speak to them about the problem and see if they can talk to your child on your behalf. If the child knows that the other parent is not resentful, it may help them to accept the changes going on in their life a bit better.

This is especially important to nip in the bud if you have more than one child. Because one child can influence the others if they are acting out or speaking bad of one or both parents. You do not want your younger children to start seeing one parent as being the bad guy and the other as being the victim. These kinds of thoughts can have lifelong impact and harm the child’s relationship with the parent in the future.

A very difficult thing for any parent to have to face is telling their children that there is going to be a divorce. In some cases there may not have been any outward signs that there was trouble in your marriage, and sometimes the children may know that their parents are struggling to get along. In either situation it can be hard, but there are a few things you can keep in mind that may help you get through this conversation without making matters worse.

Depending on how old your kids are, they may or may not even understand what a divorce is. For young children, it may help to give them something to compare it to. Perhaps they have a friend with divorced parents, or maybe they enjoy watching a television show that has parents that do not live in the same house. No matter what age they are, but especially if they are small, make sure the children understand that the divorce is not their fault and that they will be able to see both of their parents often (if this is the case.)

For older children, you may have a few extra issues to deal with. If the child is going to have to move out of the house they grew up in, or change schools there will be extra care that needs to be taken when discussing this. Also, be prepared that your child or children may resent or reject you after you tell them the news. Older kids tend to try to put the blame on one parent or the other. No matter which parent your child tries to side with, you need to help end this type of thinking before it turns into something extremely unhealthy. Giving your children plenty of chances to talk through their feelings is also key in helping to prevent any lingering uncertainty.