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4 Effects Separation Has on Your Kids

Separation or divorce can be beneficial when things aren’t working out, but your children have to suffer from your decision, too. You will have people along the way to help you out, such as your Fairfield attorneys, but your children don’t have anyone but you and separation can greatly affect them.

 

Stress

Most children become overwhelmed when their parents break up because it is a huge turning point in their life. They have become accustomed to having both parents around and now must adjust to two homes and families.

Anger

Not all children get mad when their parents split up, but many of them do feel anger toward their parents for separating the family. They may not realize why you broke up and cannot completely understand it.

Torn

Not only do the children have to adjust to two different homes, but they are torn between the two parents. Many children become confused as to whose fault it was, why it happened, and who to trust. They also sometimes feel abandoned and afraid that they’ll lose their custodial parent as well.

Guilt

A lot of children think that their parents split up because of them. Although this is not true, they may feel that it’s their fault.

How to Help

The best thing you can do to help your child is to explain to them everything that’s happening. Don’t leave anything out. Sit them down and let them know exactly why you’re splitting up and that it isn’t their fault. Consider their feelings and ask their opinions. If they are still having emotional problems because of this, you may want to have them see a therapist.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

How to Handle Single Parent Stresses

Single parents normally deal with number of stresses regularly. It is very important for the single parents to have a balance between their life and work. Here are few simple tips to overcome the stresses that could happen in the life of the single parent.

My sister and her baby.

Image via Wikipedia

Single parents are mostly only person in a family who has the stress to bring income on time and sometimes money can become tight to handle. The money in-flow is as important as creating security systems in your household to handle all the basic things required for running the family smoothly. For example, due to lack of money at certain times, parents may not be able to get all the things for their school going children and this creates little tension and stress between the parents and their child. This can be handled by the single parents by being open to their children and letting them know about the current economic situation of the family.

Parents can reduce their distance and tension with their children by simply making a routine calls during their busy work and letting them know that they are always for them. Mostly, task overload create a lot of tension among the single parents. They often feel emotionally as well as physically exhausted. Also, youngsters in the family may become very opinionated and more arguments may develop in the family. Single parents can deal this by taking some rests and taking some emotional support from someone around the house.

Sometimes, single parents become very much worried about the child’s changing behavior because of separation. Parents need not have to worry, this actually diminishes over the period of time.

 

Filed Under: Family, Parenting, Stress Tagged With: , ,

Is Gift Giving During a Divorce OK?

Choosing to pursue a divorce is never an easy decision, especially when there are children involved. From worrying about the emotional struggles children with divorced parents face to the financial burden of single working parents, it often seems like there is no end in sight to the difficulties. One of the toughest questions is this: is gift giving during a divorce okay? While each parent will have to make this decision for themselves, there are some guidelines to follow.

First, remember the “Child’s Bill of Rights.” Every child has a right to love both parents. Purchasing expensive gifts solely for the purpose of being the ‘cool’ dad or the ‘fun’ mommy isn’t fair to anyone. Instead, remember that gift giving during a divorce should be done with the interest of the child in mind.

For example, if mom moves into a new home, she may want to consider purchasing her daughter some new American Girl doll clothing or her son some new Matchbox cars to make the move easier. Similarly, dad may want to pick the kids up a special treat for their first overnight with him.

The key is always communications – it is always a good idea to discuss gift giving with your ex, no matter how difficult that may be. In most cases, you can come to a decision together about what is okay and what isn’t.

Emotional struggles during divorces are to be expected and as long as you do not use gift giving as bribes or to ‘buy’ the affection of your children, it can be a positive way to ease the tension.

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: ,

Emotional Effects of Divorce on Children

Divorce is increasing in today’s busy world and the worst sufferers of this divorce are children. Psychological studies reveal that the effects of divorce remain in children for many years and it creates serious impacts on their growth and future. Emotional effect of divorce vary with many factors such as time period of parental conflicts, intimacy between child and the parents before divorce, and parents ability to take care of all the needs of the children after divorce. It is also found that the children from the divorced families are easily attacked with speech problems, asthma, physical injuries, and most importantly with psychological problems.

Children in Jerusalem.

Image via Wikipedia

The emotional effect varies with different age groups of children. Infants never show any differences in their behaviors. Children below 5 years often cry, have nightmares, and even suffer from anxiety problems. Children between 6 to 9 years always complain that they are suffering from some kind of physical illness such as headache and stomach ache. One of the most common problems among children is the low self-esteem.

Teenagers have different problems and show their anger in different ways. Due to divorce, most of the teenagers suffer from drug abuse, lonely feeling, self-destructive behavior, depression, always blaming themselves, vandalism, anxiety, suicidal thoughts,  feeling sad, losing interest in studies or any social activities, avoiding group interactions, always feeling insecure, immaturity or hyper-maturity, violent behavior, and anger. Children will be able to overcome from these effects only with the help of their parents and it is parents’ responsibility to take care of their children with care and warmth even after their divorce.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: , ,

How to Avoid the Middle Child Syndrome

It was not until the 1970′s that parents began to worry about the effects the birth order of their children would have on them, and on the children. Large families were common and many parents began following the advice of noted child psychologists about raising children. The middle child syndrome came into play and parents scrambled to find ways to avoid the problems psychologists said the child in the middle might have.

There are children in the middle of families with any number of children over two. The theory was that the firstborn, the oldest child in the family, retained the distinction of arriving first and received special treatment. There was also the theory that the newest member of the family, the baby, naturally received more attention simply because a baby or younger child requires constant supervision. Parents believed that they were neglecting all over children, the children in the middle.

When parents treat all of their children as unique individuals from birth, with distinctly different qualities, good, or bad, they will never have to worry about neglecting the middle child. If parents encourage each child to develop particular skills according to their likes and dislikes, all of their children will develop a healthy self-esteem.

Moreover, if parents are there to support and help each of their children with any problems they are having, giving equal time regardless of how small the problems may seem to the parents, none of them will feel left out.

Parents should never compare one child to the other in any manner, and always reflect on the best qualities of all of their children. If they do, there will never be a child in the middle.

Filed Under: Emotional Stress, Family Tagged With: ,

Involving the Children in Divorced Parents Visitations

Assuming that divorcing parents place their children above any other aspect of their separation, they should be able to agree on visitation rights for the parent moving out of the home.

Small children cannot decide for themselves how often they will see the absent parent, anymore than they can decide the setting of the visits. However, divorcing parents should make the decisions, not the courts, and they should include their older children in on any decision they make regarding visitation rights.

The divorced parents’ feelings will undoubtedly come into play, but they should be secondary to the children’s feelings and emotions before, during, and after the divorce. Not all children feel the same about their parents’ divorce. This is why it is so important to involve them on when, where, and how often they will see the parent that moves out of the home. Parents should discuss possible solutions to any problems with visitation rights and come up with reasonable compromises, if necessary.

If children feel hurt and not ready to spend time with the absent parent in the beginning, both parents should respect that, and hope that their feelings will change with time. In addition, children may want to spend more time with the absent parent at the start, which parents must also consider.

Multiple children in the family may make it necessary for parents to arrange separate visitations or those that include all of the children at once. What the parents feel is best for the children regarding visitations, combined with what they hear their children tell them, is the best start for reaching amicable goals for all those involved in the divorce.

Filed Under: Divorce, Parenting Tagged With: ,

Helping Families Cope When a Parent Remarries

It is not easy under ideal circumstances, for adults to adjust to living together. When an adult with a child remarries, it presents unique difficulties for the child, the parent, and the stepparent. This is mainly because parents instinctively place their child’s feelings, health, and welfare above all else and above all others. The severity of problems depends on the age of the child. A young child adjusts easily to what appears to be the most difficult of situations for adults. An older child may need additional support.

It is difficult for the biological parent to adjust to their new spouse sharing the responsibility of raising their child especially in the area of discipline. It is equally hard for the stepparent to understand the role they will play in the marriage where their spouse’s child is concerned. To avoid these problems, the couple must deal with unforeseen problems beforehand. They need to discuss their views on rules and behaviors that are acceptable and unacceptable in children.

If the adult who will become a stepparent has children from a previous marriage, they will have their own set of rules in mind that they had for their children. If the new stepparent had no children, this will be a learning experience as well as a major adjustment.

When disagreements arise regarding behavior, consequences of that behavior, or discipline, both adults must make compromises in order for the union to work. Once they have a clear understanding of the responsibilities of their new roles, they should then have a discussion with the child. In doing so, the new family will be equipped to handle any problems that may arise, as they begin a new life together.

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Helping Children Cope with Divorce

A top life-changing moment in someone’s life is the dissolution of a relationship with another person. For adults it is a major life stressor, but for children it is equal to the grieving process because of the death of a loved one or close friend.

The stages of grief over death the majority of adults go through are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. With divorce, children go through these stages in different ways that is normal for most.

Denial – Younger children will not understand what their parents’ divorce means, and will be in denial because of that. Older children will deny it until it actually happens. Once it does, they will move into anger.

Anger – More often than not, children will become angry with the primary caregiver, blaming them for the other parent not living in the home anymore.

Bargaining/Guilt – For children, this manifests itself as guilt because children will promise to behave better or promise other things if the parents would only get back together.

Depression/Sadness – For children, a general sadness takes over at the absence of one of their parents. The sadness is normal provided it will dissipate over time.

Acceptance – Many children are resilient even though they may take more time adjusting to a major change than adults do.

Divorcing parents need to watch for signs of the child’s failure to progress to the next stage easily. For the stages of denial and anger, parents need to talk to their child and make them understand that the divorce is real and it is happening, but that they did not do anything to cause it.

To alleviate the child’s sadness, divorcing parents must try to work out an amicable schedule for the absent parent to spend quality time with the child. It will be something for the child to look forward to, and can help to change their feelings of sadness.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: , ,

Is There a Good Time to Tell Children About Their Parents’ Divorce?

A divorce can be devastating or a positive change for the family as a whole, depending on the circumstances. If a couple decides to separate, without the outward signs that are obvious to the rest of the family, a divorce can be a devastating shock to their children. If, however, children hear their parents in conflict frequently, separation or divorce may be the best thing for the children.

In the first scenario, both parents will feel the need to talk to others about what they are going through. They also need to be there for their children, without burdening the children with their problems. Children need only to know the facts.

In the second circumstance, the parents make up their minds to separate in the best interest of their children and of themselves. It will be the parents’ responsibility to talk to the children about the divorce. It is more important that parents know when to tell the kids, than what to tell them about it.

When it comes to explaining to a younger child that one parent will no longer live in the house, it is better that it happens soon after parents tell the children that it is going to happen. This is because small children have no concept of time. It will still be difficult for the child to adjust to the change, but it will not cause additional stress by allowing them to think and worry about it weeks or months ahead of time.

Older children will undoubtedly have questions and feelings of confusion or guilt, and parents should talk to them as soon as they set a definite date. This will give the parents enough time to answer all of the older children’s questions. It will also allow the adults to reassure the older children that they are in no way responsible for the breakup of their parents’ marriage.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Tagged With: , ,

Studies Regarding Traditional and Nontraditional Parenting

Gone are the days when society as a whole believes that every child needs one male parent and one female parent in the home, in order to lead healthy, happy lives. Today, people no longer believe a woman cannot support a family, or that a man cannot handle the duties and responsibilities once exclusively carried out by women.

Unfortunately, there seems to remain a stigma attached to nontraditional parenting, created by those who persist in conducting studies on marriage and parenting. The word nontraditional denotes a negative connotation in itself. The consensus among those who believe these studies are still necessary, is that the ideal environment for raising children is one man and one woman. Continuing to conduct these studies, attaches labels to children brought up families they do not consider traditional.

They arrive at these conclusions in a number of ways. Many fear that the absence of a man in the house may stifle a boy’s masculinity. They also think that girls need a male role model to set standards for the man they will grow up to date and marry.

If one man and one woman is the only combination ideal for good parenting, how do we account for the dysfunction in families with children of one man and one woman? How do we justify children raised by couples that do not include a man and a woman, who graduate in the top of their class, or win sports scholarships to prominent universities?

Bringing children up right has to do with the character of the people who raise them, and not their sex. For every bad mother, there is a bad father. There are also just as many single dads doing a wonderful job of raising children as there are single moms. Additionally, there are scores of happy, success adults that grew up in a two-mom family as well as in a two-dad family.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: , ,
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